The Disgusting List of Worst Pokémon Evolutions

I like to think of myself as a fairly positive person. I’m not a purveyor of negativity, and I can spot a thin ray of sunshine on the cloudiest days. However… even I have limits. And many Pokémon evolutions over the years have brought out that deep, sludgy part of my soul that rarely breaks the surface. Why are these forms necessary?! Who thought they were good ideas?! Just a few of the questions blazing through my mind when I look at the monstrosities below, many of which are forms added on to old creatures in later generations or are inferior, alternate forms. Also, please remember that I love Pokémon and this is all just in good fun 😛 Enjoy!


Alolan Golem

The original Golem was one of my favorite Pokemon as a kid, but this awful imposter should have been doxxed at the design table. No arms?! A mustache?! Chest hair?! I don’t hate the idea of a magnet-styled Golem with the electric typing, but making it look like the old magnetic Wooly Willy toys (yes, that’s what it was called) was a terrible idea.


Lickilicky

Okay, first off…the NAME. I feel wrong even saying it. Lickitung was a bizarre Pokémon to begin with, but its design made sense enough. How it has a dumb hair curl?! And Wi-Fi?! Unlimited internet anywhere isn’t worth having to look at this demon, which apparently even has a bib hanging from its neck for all the drool from its big, stupid tongue. This thing is one big YUCK.


Rhyperior

Rhyhorn and Rhydon had a rhinoceros design that was obvious and apparent, but the team also wasn’t afraid to give the latter a bit of dinosaur influence with its gray, stony skin. Rhyperior was an unnecessary deviation. Rather than a sleek and powerful rhino, Rhyperior is a sad ankylosaur that hardly even gets a stat boost over the previous form. It’s not a terrible design- just inferior to the previous form. This disappointment is the perfect reason of why you shouldn’t try to fix what isn’t broken.


Magmortar

Magmortar’s dumb face is a major downgrade from the duckbill of its predecessors. No longer content to be lizard nor avian, Magmortar has devolved into a fiery poop with arm cannons. It would be cooler if the team had kept more influence from the previous forms and not turned it into…whatever this is. At least it got rid of Magmar’s forehead butt.


Togekiss

Togepi hatched from an egg to fulfill its eventual transition from fairy-critter into a confetti fighter jet. This thing is 66% wing. But rather than resign itself to a Buffalo Wild Wings special, Togekiss chose to remain in the video game business and overstay its welcome. Can you imagine Misty trying to carry one of these things around everywhere after her tiny egg buddy evolved??


Probopass

Nosepass was never a Pokémon I liked very much, but I could see its charm and appeal for certain players. Not this. Probopass is a true booger of the Pokédex, from its nasty mustache to the baby Nosepasses glued to its body. It’s not cute. It’s not cool. It’s not even adorable in the ugly kind of way. Probopass smells to high heavens.


Gurdurr

I hate Gurdurr. There is no humor here for me- this veiny, lumpy-headed muscle clown is just an abomination that deserves to be canonically recalled. I’m certain that every Timburr fears the day it’s fated to turn into such a disgrace, praying their trainer has enough Rare Candies to skip this form entirely and keep its suffering to a minimum.


Diggersby

Poor Bunnelby. It was such a cute critter that had the misfortune of maturing into this literal yellow-bellied troll. All adorability is gone. Its feet and… ear-arms?… are naturally covered in dirt and mud which would make it a nightmare to have in your home. The anime even goes so far as to give Diggersby the ugliest southern accent I’ve ever heard, only intensifying my distaste for this rabbit-turned-hillbilly.


Inteleon

Sobble is a teary-eyed chameleon that grows into the emo-haired Drizzile and then… turns into a secret agent. Of course. Inteleon is more generic lizard than anything specifically similar to its camouflaging precursors. It’s also purely Water-type, which feels like a waste when Water/Ghost would have been perfect for its vanishing abilities. Inteleon is shamefully boring and uninspired compared to what they could have made it.


Mr. Rime

This is just a creepy old man.


What Pokémon evolutions get your goat? Are there some that infuriate or disgust you down to your core? Let me know with a comment below! Thanks for reading, and hope this finds you well!

-Brink

4 thoughts on “The Disgusting List of Worst Pokémon Evolutions

  1. I’ve had increasing disdain for the final evolutions of starter Pokémon. Why are they always anthropomorphized?! Why can’t they just be animals still? Why are they always bipedal, straight-backed monstrosities with HUMAN HANDS?! Any Poke with 4 fingers, and a thumb needs to be thrown into the incinerator – no question, no hesitation.

    That said, you can probably already see this coming: Mr. Mime and Jynx. Absolutely hate their designs. Always have. Every Pokémon that has come thereafter with human features is their fault (in my mind), so they take the brunt of my unending hatred for Pokémon with human features.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s